What a fitting word for today’s prompt–final! Many of you have been along the journey with me as I obtain my uncontested divorce. Who would have thought an UNCONTESTED divorce would take so long?!?! There were many hold-ups all along the way, but I was able to learn quite a bit through it all. At one point I even researched the credits I would need to become a lawyer.
One major hurdle was the process the Monroe County Supreme Court has in place for people submitting paperwork to obtain a divorce. Ed Gangarosa was assigned the responsibility to review my paperwork prior to it being sent on to the judge and he caused frustration, confusion, and unnecessary obstacles. I actually never received a letter stating my paperwork had been signed off and ready for me to be picked up, which is a complaint many have about him. After being contacted by someone stating that they did not receive notification that their paperwork was ready I decided to give them a call and ask for a status update on mine. I was told my paperwork had been sitting there for weeks waiting for me to pick it up. They insisted Gangarosa sent a letter, but I’ve been stalking out my mailbox and nothing was sent! I picked it up that day (Monday), and immediately filed it with the County Clerk’s Office–so the divorce is FINAL! I can’t even put the feeling into words, but the sense of peace that overcomes you as you sing a favorite church hymn is the closest I can come to attempting to describe it.
I did take the time to write up a detailed letter of complaint to Gangarosa’s supervisor stating how difficult he made the process and how I was trying to remove myself from an abusive situation, but he made it even more difficult. I’m confident that if they conduct an investigation into his communication with people they will find that he needs to go! People of Monroe County deserve someone who will take that responsibility seriously!
Happily divorced and ready for what God has planned next.
My vision for this post was to announce that my divorce is final, but unfortunately that is not the case. I was sent a letter from Edward Gangarosa who is assigned by the court to review the documents before being sent on to the judge. He wrote in the letter that I needed to file two more papers and then resubmit them. That sounds easy—although I was annoyed I figured it doesn’t take that much time and went to pick them up to file them.
When I picked them up there was a blank form, paper-clipped to the form I already completed. I was confused and asked the employees in the Supreme Court office if they knew what he meant by doing this (as this is not mentioned in this letter), and they were also confused. I decided to call Gangarosa for clarification to avoid any additional hold up. Well he said I needed to redo the form because the one I submitted was an old form that has been revised—ok, so why didn’t he say anything months ago? This paper has been completed since September and he is just now requiring this? He also seemed incredibly bothered that I am not seeking maintenance in the divorce. I told him that I’m sure he is used to women wanting every last dime from their ex, but I have everything already—everything I’ve worked for and care about. I’m no ordinary woman! I have zero desire for my ex’s retirement and want to just move on with my life. I was crying out of frustration and told him that I will resubmit this form (which also requires me to send it to the prison to be signed by my ex and notarized), but after this if he continues to pull this I will be writing a formal complaint. I really don’t like to pull that card, but I have had enough!
I’ve spoke to several people already who have shared similar stories and I will not allow him to abuse his position and prevent me from obtaining this divorce. I was also informed that I should write a letter to the attorney general, which I am considering. There is even a complaint online about him that is similar to my experience.
I wouldn’t mind if this was one time, but every time I submit the paperwork he writes me a letter of corrections that need to be made and when everything is fixed he finds something else. He has even stated that I did not include documents that were clearly there. Not to mention he is a lawyer, but has many grammatical and spelling errors in his letters.
The paperwork is sitting here on my table ready to be sent to the prison…God willing this will be the last paper I’m asked to re-submit.
I have been living my life mindful not to be negative and part of me struggles to understand why God is prolonging this—I do know I am where He wants me, and He is working things out even if I can’t see it.
Whoa! Sixteen days since my last post…I am slacking! I was doing well with my posts and then my computer just. stopped. working. I thought it just needed a new battery, but nope it was dead. RIP Asus! Unfortunately I did not have an external hard drive to back up all of my work and pictures…lesson learned! The positive is that I can still retrieve my data off of the laptop, but the past couple weeks have been difficult without my files, photos or the use of my laptop.
Then…a surprise came my way.
My thoughtful boyfriend knows how much I use my laptop and ran around on his day off to find the perfect one for me…this was definitely a surprise! He has not been able to surprise me at all, but this time he did! Never imagined he would buy me a laptop! To top it off he gave me a pair of wireless earbuds because I made a comment how they would be nice to use while working out. I’m one lucky lady!!
Divorce: On another note…I received the paperwork back stating my ex was served, BUT they left out the one important detail…they never wrote on it that the “amended complaint” was served. Incredibly frustrating because I called the prison ahead of time to make sure they wrote it on there and put a note in with the document when I sent it. Not to mention this is the third time I sent the paperwork to be served! Holy frustrating! I called this morning to see if they can simply resend the document and write “amended complaint” on it, and they are going to call me back. They have one more hour, and then I’m going to call them back. *insert hour time laps here* I called and they said they were still looking for the file and will call me back. *insert another time laps here* They called me back and asked that I resend the paper…they do not have internet access to print another form out. I’m remaining calm and friendly on the phone through all of this because I know it isn’t their fault, but they don’t know how all of these little mistakes have added up to prolong this divorce! *insert yet another time laps here* Paperwork was filed and submitted to the court on Friday. Now I’m hoping Gangarosa doesn’t find another list of things he wants done before moving forward…this should not be that difficult! Now I’ll be stalking the mailbox as I wait!
I do believe this is the last time I will have to submit them…as I left the court building…a building I have spent way too much time in, I looked out and took in the view and began to tear up. Along the road I’ve taken I noticed something for the first time…a bridge…why it brought me such peace I’m not sure. It isn’t a newly built bridge, but I’ve never really noticed that you could see it from the court building until that day. Earlier in the week I had been on a walk where I took photos of it.
Did I mention it’s the Frederick Douglass-Susan B. Anthony Memorial Bridge–ahhh…the symbolism!
Since it has been sixteen days since my last post I’ll leave you with sixteen pictures…
I was reminded this weekend how it is impossible to be positive all of the time…how there are days that hormones just take over and cause total destruction. I tried, tried pretty darn hard I’d say to keep positive, but I finally surrendered when I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Friday night wasn’t so bad…I watched some football movie on Netflix…Mark Wahlburg was in it and played some Eagles player…Invincible was the name of it. I was balling my eyes out…I immediately knew hormones were playing a factor because I don’t cry easily…well, except when you catch me this time of the month! I told myself ok, now the next couple of days are going to be great! This will be the month the moodiness will not visit! I feel fabulous, eating healthy, gym action going on…all will be good!
Then Bam…the switch was flipped! Dear boyfriend just doesn’t understand. My due date is even programed in his phone to make him aware of the days to leave me be, but for some strange reason he just doesn’t believe that it’s a real thing…the struggle is real!
What escalated the situation is my trip to McDonalds. I very rarely eat fast food, but I was feeling disgusting, skipped the gym, and decided I wanted hotcakes! Why do they call them that—they are pancakes! I can’t even tell you the last time I ate McDonalds, but all I know is I wanted pancakes with hash browns….ohhh and I tossed on an order of nuggets too to add to the misery! I asked for syrup to dip the nuggets in, but she told me I couldn’t substitute that, so I ordered an extra–no big deal–I wanted an extra syrup…period! haha..pun not intended! Well, of course I get home, set everything up to chow down and find out there is no extra syrup! Holy flames and f-bombs Batman! Out of all the days to screw up my order this was the worst!
The remainder of my night was spent doing my laundry (folding laundry is quite calming), watching Netflix, eating a Skor candy bar, uploading pictures to Facebook, and slowly coming down off that evil estrogen spike as I write this blog post…see, writing can be therapeutic!
Pray for my students tomorrow…better yet, pray for a snow day!
We all tremble inside at the thought of something…what is it that you fear? Is it beginning something new? Starting over? A career choice? Going back to school? Traveling? Trying a new workout at the gym (who is possibly afraid of this right…yup…yours truly)? Public speaking? Initiating a conversation? Starting a blog? Change?
Whatever it is…step outside of your comfort zone and fly! It will build a stronger you, a sharper you, and a more confident you! You will grow in more ways than you can imagine. Picture your life after overcoming the fear? What will your life look like then?
Divorce: I’m beyond excited to announce that I received a the final paper back in the mail Friday that I needed signed to move forward with the divorce. I have one more step and then I can re-submit them to the court which will most likely be in the next week or two if all goes according to plan. I found out the mail accidentally sent the envelope to another address which happens quite frequently for some reason, and then it was returned and took much longer than it should to arrive. I’m just thankful I finally received it! Positive start to my weekend for sure!
Love: I came home from work on Friday to find a thoughtful surprise from my boyfriend. He has been working a lot of overtime lately, so we haven’t had much time to spend together–he crafted a delicious healthy dinner and planned out a Saturday date day. He knows how much I’ve been stressing as I wait for the paperwork. This was much needed for us!
Fitness: I’ve been consistent with my workouts, routine, and eating healthy. I haven’t ventured out to try new machines like I’ve wanted, but I will. I did reach out to a couple people for some advice and one will be helping me out this week. I am feeling and seeing the results which motivates me even more. Next step…add some weights to the mix!
Rochester Public Market: Saturday morning haul…only spent $23 in produce and $10 on the roasted nuts! Who said eating healthy is expensive?!?!
Fun: Made a visit to Rick’s Recycled Books to add to my already lofty stack of books begging to be read. Highlight was Craig finding one he liked that happened to be autographed!
We drove to Mendon Ponds Park to take some wintery shots. I wanted to stay out longer, but I wasn’t quite layered up enough to keep warm. I did stay long enough to stumble on quite a bit of these little ones…moments like this is pure happiness!
As Sunday night comes to an end I’m finishing up the last half of the Super Bowl…and the commercials of course.
Ready for another fabulous week to begin tomorrow!
This week started a new semester teaching students…new students. Our school is one of the few in the district with a semester based schedule to assist students on their path to graduation who may have wandered off the course for a variety of reasons. They are able to recover credits faster which means they can get back on track to graduation. A semester based schedule also means I receive a new class list of students in January (this week). I realized yesterday that I’m usually a bit depressed during this time and tried to be mindful about what was causing all of this emotion to stir.
I love my students…someone once told me I shouldn’t say that, but I do…in the time I spend with them I learn so much, bond with them, care for them, and I know some reciprocate that feeling. Some overcome so much adversity to simply come to school, so being a part of the journey to their goal to graduate is incredibly rewarding. I prefer to teach 11th and 12th grade, but it can also come with some pains. You bond, care, and build relationships with students in such a short time and then they are gone…some keep in touch, but the change is difficult and often weighs heavy on the heart. How does one resist the slight depression that accompanies the change? We (teachers) are expected to begin again with a fresh batch of students as if we didn’t lose a tiny piece of our heart…build those relationships, and watch them go…again, and again. I will do it…because that’s who I am!
Ten things I learned from my students:
up-to-date slang terms like “wavey”, “finesse”, “thirsty” or that “it’s a dub” and “lit” have more than one meaning…haha! Ohh…and the term “corny” came back from when I was a kid!
a simple hand on their shoulder or hug can calm the soul
snacks go a long way
That I was really rich growing up…I never remember a Christmas without a tree…we may have worn hand-me-down clothes, never ate steak for dinner, and didn’t have all the name brands, but compared to the lifestyle of many of my students I was blessed!
to pick my battles and that I do not need to be in control all of the time
the sloppiest handwriting can mean the deepest thoughts
what a hijab is, how some observe Ramadan, and how we learn from one another when there is open dialogue
that adult students do love using markers, colored pencils, and scissors…and they love receiving a paper back with a sticker on top of it
students who seem tough deep down because they’ve been handed adult responsibilities just want a chance to be kids
how to laugh more
Some students have a great sense of humor!
My challenge for you is to send an email to a former teacher, current teacher, school staff member, professor…update them on how you’re doing and what an impact they made. We often wonder about students and it’s always nice to receive a positive email!