Divorce is FINAL!!

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What a fitting word for today’s prompt–final!  Many of you have been along the journey with me as I obtain my uncontested divorce.  Who would have thought an UNCONTESTED divorce would take so long?!?!  There were many hold-ups all along the way, but I was able to learn quite a bit through it all.  At one point I even researched the credits I would need to become a lawyer.

One major hurdle was the process the Monroe County Supreme Court has in place for people submitting paperwork to obtain a divorce.  Ed Gangarosa was assigned the responsibility to review my paperwork prior to it being sent on to the judge and he caused frustration, confusion, and unnecessary obstacles.  I actually never received a letter stating my paperwork had been signed off and ready for me to be picked up, which is a complaint many have about him.  After being contacted by someone stating that they did not receive notification that their paperwork was ready I decided to give them a call and ask for a status update on mine.  I was told my paperwork had been sitting there for weeks waiting for me to pick it up.  They insisted Gangarosa sent a letter, but I’ve been stalking out my mailbox and nothing was sent!  I picked it up that day (Monday), and immediately filed it with the County Clerk’s Office–so the divorce is FINAL!  I can’t even put the feeling into words, but the sense of peace that overcomes you as you sing a favorite church hymn is the closest I can come to attempting to describe it.

I did take the time to write up a detailed letter of complaint to Gangarosa’s supervisor stating how difficult he made the process and how I was trying to remove myself from an abusive situation, but he made it even more difficult.  I’m confident that if they conduct an investigation into his communication with people they will find that he needs to go!  People of Monroe County deserve someone who will take that responsibility seriously!

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Happily divorced and ready for what God has planned next.

 

Some previous posts about my divorce:

Rebuild:  Divorcing a Pedophile

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

A Somber Week, Still I Shine

Endless Possibilities

Trusting HIS Timing

Another Step Forward

 

Crystal

via Daily Prompt: Final

 

Trusting HIS Timing

My vision for this post was to announce that my divorce is final, but unfortunately that is not the case.  I was sent a letter from Edward Gangarosa who is assigned by the court to review the documents before being sent on to the judge.  He wrote in the letter that I needed to file two more papers and then resubmit them.  That sounds easy—although I was annoyed I figured it doesn’t take that much time and went to pick them up to file them.

When I picked them up there was a blank form, paper-clipped to the form I already completed.  I was confused and asked the employees in the Supreme Court office if they knew what he meant by doing this (as this is not mentioned in this letter), and they were also confused.  I decided to call Gangarosa for clarification to avoid any additional hold up.  Well he said I needed to redo the form because the one I submitted was an old form that has been revised—ok, so why didn’t he say anything months ago?  This paper has been completed since September and he is just now requiring this?  He also seemed incredibly bothered that I am not seeking maintenance in the divorce.  I told him that I’m sure he is used to women wanting every last dime from their ex, but I have everything already—everything I’ve worked for and care about.  I’m no ordinary woman!  I have zero desire for my ex’s retirement and want to just move on with my life.  I was crying out of frustration and told him that I will resubmit this form (which also requires me to send it to the prison to be signed by my ex and notarized), but after this if he continues to pull this I will be writing a formal complaint.  I really don’t like to pull that card, but I have had enough!

I’ve spoke to several people already who have shared similar stories and I will not allow him to abuse his position and prevent me from obtaining this divorce.  I was also informed that I should write a letter to the attorney general, which I am considering.  There is even a complaint online about him that is similar to my experience.

I wouldn’t mind if this was one time, but every time I submit the paperwork he writes me a letter of corrections that need to be made and when everything is fixed he finds something else.  He has even stated that I did not include documents that were clearly there.  Not to mention he is a lawyer, but has many grammatical and spelling errors in his letters.

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The paperwork is sitting here on my table ready to be sent to the prison…God willing this will be the last paper I’m asked to re-submit.

I have been living my life mindful not to be negative and part of me struggles to understand why God is prolonging this—I do know I am where He wants me, and He is working things out even if I can’t see it.

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Crystal

 

Along The Road Taken…

Whoa!  Sixteen days since my last post…I am slacking!  I was doing well with my posts and then my computer just. stopped. working.  I thought it just needed a new battery, but nope it was dead.  RIP Asus!  Unfortunately I did not have an external hard drive to back up all of my work and pictures…lesson learned!  The positive is that I can still retrieve my data off of the laptop, but the past couple weeks have been difficult without my files, photos or the use of my laptop.

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Then…a surprise came my way.

My thoughtful boyfriend knows how much I use my laptop and ran around on his day off to find the perfect one for me…this was definitely a surprise!  He has not been able to surprise me at all, but this time he did!  Never imagined he would buy me a laptop!  To top it off he gave me a pair of wireless earbuds because I made a comment how they would be nice to use while working out.  I’m one lucky lady!!

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Divorce:  On another note…I received the paperwork back stating my ex was served, BUT they left out the one important detail…they never wrote on it that the “amended complaint” was served.  Incredibly frustrating because I called the prison ahead of time to make sure they wrote it on there and put a note in with the document when I sent it.  Not to mention this is the third time I sent the paperwork to be served!  Holy frustrating!  I called this morning to see if they can simply resend the document and write “amended complaint” on it, and they are going to call me back.  They have one more hour, and then I’m going to call them back. *insert hour time laps here*  I called and they said they were still looking for the file and will call me back.  *insert another time laps here*  They called me back and asked that I resend the paper…they do not have internet access to print another form out.  I’m remaining calm and friendly on the phone through all of this because I know it isn’t their fault, but they don’t know how all of these little mistakes have added up to prolong this divorce! *insert yet another time laps here*  Paperwork was filed and submitted to the court on Friday.  Now I’m hoping Gangarosa doesn’t find another list of things he wants done before moving forward…this should not be that difficult!  Now I’ll be stalking the mailbox as I wait!

I do believe this is the last time I will have to submit them…as I left the court building…a building I have spent way too much time in, I looked out and took in the view and began to tear up.  Along the road I’ve taken I noticed something for the first time…a bridge…why it brought me such peace I’m not sure.  It isn’t a newly built bridge, but I’ve never really noticed that you could see it from the court building until that day.  Earlier in the week I had been on a walk where I took photos of it.

Did I mention it’s the Frederick Douglass-Susan B. Anthony Memorial Bridge–ahhh…the symbolism!

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Since it has been sixteen days since my last post I’ll leave you with sixteen pictures…

 

*hugs*

Crystal

 

 

 

 

Another Step Forward

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Divorce: I’m beyond excited to announce that I received a the final paper back in the mail Friday that I needed signed to move forward with the divorce.  I have one more step and then I can re-submit them to the court which will most likely be in the next week or two if all goes according to plan.  I found out the mail accidentally sent the envelope to another address which happens quite frequently for some reason, and then it was returned and took much longer than it should to arrive.  I’m just thankful I finally received it!  Positive start to my weekend for sure!

Love: I came home from work on Friday to find a thoughtful surprise from my boyfriend.  He has been working a lot of overtime lately, so we haven’t had much time to spend together–he crafted a delicious healthy dinner and planned out a Saturday date day.  He knows how much I’ve been stressing as I wait for the paperwork.  This was much needed for us!

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Fitness:  I’ve been consistent with my workouts, routine, and eating healthy.  I haven’t ventured out to try new machines like I’ve wanted, but I will.  I did reach out to a couple people for some advice and one will be helping me out this week.  I am feeling and seeing the results which motivates me even more.  Next step…add some weights to the mix!

Rochester Public Market:  Saturday morning haul…only spent $23 in produce and $10 on the roasted nuts!  Who said eating healthy is expensive?!?!

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Fun:  Made a visit to Rick’s Recycled Books to add to my already lofty stack of books begging to be read.  Highlight was Craig finding one he liked that happened to be autographed!

 

We drove to Mendon Ponds Park to take some wintery shots.  I wanted to stay out longer, but I wasn’t quite layered up enough to keep warm.  I did stay long enough to stumble on quite a bit of these little ones…moments like this is pure happiness!

As Sunday night comes to an end I’m finishing up the last half of the Super Bowl…and the commercials of course.

Ready for another fabulous week to begin tomorrow!

*hugs*

Crystal

 

Endless Possibilities…

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Photo: Tinker Nature Park, Henrietta NY

I’m at a point in my life where I realize possibilities are endless, but not quite sure which direction is for me.  I just fantasize for now.  I’m ready for something exciting, something new, a challenge that will push me to grow in ways I’ve never imagined.

I love teaching in the school I’m in, but need something more…I don’t feel as if I’m making enough of an impact.  Tomorrow starts a new semester and I have some ideas up my sleeve that I’m excited to try.  I’m looking to take my career to the next level, but haven’t found a position that is right for me yet.  I feel something great coming soon though.

Do I make a drastic change and move…as in out of state, or even out of the country?  I’m currently researching options, but until my divorce is final I’m stuck–I loathe feeling stuck…feeling as if someone else has control over my choices–especially such a sick, sick, evil, being!  Ok, I don’t want this to become a negative post—it will be honest though and lately I’ve been struggling with staying positive–in part because of the divorce hold up.

Do I make a drastic change and leave education all together?  No!  I love interacting with students too much for that!  Maybe step up my photography skills and open a studio?  I don’t know…for now I will continue to learn new techniques, practice, play, and have fun until I decide what comes next.

Do I want to marry again?  Have more children?  Mine are 19, 14, and 12…life has changed as they are older and independent…I have more freedom…they don’t need me as much.  It is sort of depressing at times to think about.  My babies are no longer babies.  Why does God put so much on one person’s shoulders?  I guess I shouldn’t complain because my children are healthy–some people are dealing with much more than I am.

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Now that my children are a bit older I have plenty of time to work out at the gym.  I’ve been consistent in going and have a routine, but I do need to push myself more there too.  I work out in my comfort zone, using the machines I know, but I need to venture out in that area where the weights are.  I’m a confident woman, but for some reason I’m scared to step out of my bubble and into the weight area of the gym.  What if I don’t know how to use a machine?  I’m not a fan of asking for help…especially from men!  What if I ask for help, but nobody can hear me (darn earbuds)? What if I look like a rookie?  Wait…I am a rookie!  Everyone is looking at me!  No…nobody is looking at you!  These pants are a bit tight and my butt is toning up…maybe they are looking!  Stop Crystal..They are watching the TV shows up above! Uggg…maybe tomorrow I will dip my toes into the weight area…or maybe I’ll jump in canon ball style like this guy did!

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Comment:  Do you work out at the gym?  Have you had these thoughts?  Any advice for me to overcome my fear?

Crystal
 

 

A Sombre Week…Still I Shine!

We had a cold, lightless, fog filled weekend where I ventured out, alone, to capture its beauty in hopes of stimulating some positivity to come my way, but a somberness  sauntered throughout the week.  Lately, it seems as if trials continue to be tossed my way, and nothing is quite going the way I plan…maybe that is my problem…I need to let go and allow God to handle it.

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Divorce:  I’ve been attempting to obtain a non-contested divorce from one of the most evil men I have ever met.  I submitted all of the paperwork to the court in November and was told I needed to make several corrections which I did and resubmitted them again in hopes that I can soon wake from this nightmare.  The paperwork was rejected again requesting additional corrections.  Frustrating on many levels, but I continue to do what is asked.  At every point I question if God is here.  Is he seeing this?  Does he care?  Why am I put through all of the pain while he has any control?  At one point in the process he sent his mother the divorce paperwork and she felt compelled to write her initials at the bottom of each page along with the page number.  Well, I needed to make a correction on one of the pages and now am required to have her same initial on the bottom of the corrected page in order to move forward—or I need to start the process all over again.  She claims to be a Godly woman, but has done nothing except to cause additional pain.  I sent her the original paper to sign and return and a month later have not received it back.  Why on earth is a man who committed such a heinous crime allowed to have any control or say?  I continue to be hopeful, try to understand the lesson God is wanting me to gain from all of this, and know that there is a reason—one I may never know or understand, but He has a plan.

Read more about my divorce Odyssey here: Blood, sweat, and tears… and Rebuild: Divorcing a Pedophile

Love:  I am lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend who encourages me even when I allow the stress to build up and unexpectedly flow his way.  I have been on edge with him this week as we would like to plan for our future together, but must wait until my past is settled.  All in due time…

Family: Many of you know that I reactivated my Facebook account this month, and that ignited some conflict between my dear prodigal daughter and me when she misunderstood a comment I left on a photo she posted.  Our relationship has had ongoing strain, but I finally decided that I will love from afar.  I will no longer be a puppet she pulls out, manipulating, when she needs to be bailed out…literally and figuratively.  I look back to think where I went wrong as a parent…what I could have done better…why is it that my pig-tailed, little girl who once ran to me with open arms, beaming as she clung to my legs thinks it acceptable and appropriate to repeatedly cause such devastation with her words and actions?!?!  Does she even realize she is?  This is not how I envisioned our mother-daughter relationship.  I struggled with this quite a bit this week, but I guess now I know how God must feel with how I’ve been treating Him.

Career: This week marked the end of the semester, post-assessments were given, and the ELA exams were today.  I’m confident my students (some who have failed this exam two or more times prior to me) were well prepared.  All the times I heard, “Ms….you do too much” makes it all worth it!  Now, I sit and wait for the scores to come back.

A highlight of my week was yesterday when I received an email from a former student (pictured below). He wanted to touch base and let me know that he started his first day of college.  I cried as soon as I read it!  I pushed him and pushed him that he needed to continue his education and use his writing talent, and to hear that he was doing that made me incredibly proud .  It was an honor that he thought to email me his first day!

 

I leave you with a few more photos capturing the somber beauty of the fog.

 

After typing all of this I wonder if it makes sense, if I was too candid, if I wasn’t candid enough…

The week may have had a somber tone, but my soul still shines…



*hugs*

Crystal

Post was in-part inspired by The Daily Post one word prompt “devastation”

Rebuild: Divorcing a Pedophile

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Rebuild:  Divorcing a Pedophile

Rebuild…What a perfect word for today!  I received the signed stipulation agreement on Friday, and today I went to the County Clerk’s Office to file for my divorce.  This is one of the many steps I’ve taken to rebuild my life.  Rebuilding entailed crawling around in the rubble, searching for pieces, constructing some sort of foundation, and now, six years later, a solid structure stands.  Now that the divorce papers are filed the next step is having him served (being sent in the mail tomorrow).  *fingers crossed* there are no more delays, and that this is final soon.  One would think when your husband rapes your child a divorce is automatic and simple, but that is far from the truth.

“Fighter” by Christina Aguilera

Crystal

(post inspired by the daily prompt “rebuild”)

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/rebuild/