Blood, sweat, and tears…

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I’ve been an emotional mess lately, and decided to just sit down and let it all out this way…well maybe not all, but whatever comes (just as I often advise my students to do)…with the hope that maybe I’ll feel better or maybe connect with someone who just might understand even a tiny bit of what I’m going through.  Ohhhh…where do I start…

In 2010 my husband raped my daughter.  I think I’m still in shock this could happen to me, to my daughter, to my children, and not only am I still in shock, I’m still in pain, and still trying to heal.  Nobody comes to your home to help you, guide you, and there is no book on what to do to keep your life from falling apart…you are alone.  Alone to pick up the pieces, alone in keeping the rest from crumbling, alone to sit and wonder how this could happen.  People are around in the shadows, but do they really understand why you act a certain way? Why you keep your distance?  Why you have had to shift your lifestyle to be the sole parent to your children?  Are they judging?  Shouldn’t I be over it already?  It has been six years!  Do I care they judge?  I must right?  Uggg…is this making sense?!?!

We shall call the individual who raped my daughter, yes, RAPED, not “sexually assaulted”, not “touched”, I will call it for what it is..RAPE..we shall call him…hmmm…hmmm….still can’t come with anything….I guess we will call him, “Jon”.

Well in 2015 “Jon” verbally agreed to a non-contested divorce which would stipulate that I would keep the house to do what I choose to do with it.  I had the papers drawn up and sent the stipulation agreement in March.  He sent a letter on my birthday in April stating that he would send it as soon as possible.  I have been looking every day since, and nothing has come.  I called the prison several times, and was told that he is playing games, and that he has access to a notary twice a week and has never signed up.  I sent a letter two weeks ago stating I want the papers by June 6th or I will be going another route for the divorce (this way I’m told could take much longer), and will be going for everything if I have to do that.  Still no papers.

In the process of all of this I’ve still been living in the house he raped my daughter in, paying all the bills, keeping it up-to-date, replaced the roof (those aren’t cheap), hot water heater (those aren’t cheap either), and have wanted nothing more than to move out, and move on.  I’ve had to work hard to keep this house, a house I’ve tried to make a home for my children despite what happened in it.  I’m proud of what I’ve made it into, but need a fresh start.

I’ve been looking at houses online here and there (as I’m waiting to receive the signed agreement), and one caught my eye.  It is BEAUTIFUL!  I looked at the listing every now and then, and then the price was reduced.  This past Sunday I decided to go look at it just to see….I was actually hoping that it would be a hole in the wall and I would stop dreaming about it.  I get all kinds of excited, and my children are talking about hide-n-seek, nerf wars, the porch, beautiful flowers planted all over, which bedroom they want, and how cool the basketball hoop in the garage is.  This will be our fresh start.  I call my realtor, and reality smacks me in the face…I can’t sell MY home until he signs the papers.  He is forcing us to live in this house…a house he committed one of the most disgusting crimes in.  How can a convicted criminal do this?!?!?!  Reality hits me again…I’m typing this as I sit in the room he raped my daughter in…I need out of here! Again, I find myself in a place alone, where nobody understands.

“I’m gonna bathe myself in a wishing well” -Beth Hart

Leave the light on by Beth Hart

Crystal

 

Published by

Crystaleyes20

I’m a mother of three beautiful children who have given me the strength in life to be determined in reaching my goals. I am a teacher certified in English and Special Education and truly enjoy going to work every day. I recently completed my requirements to become certified in school district leadership to make an impact on a much larger scale. I have had my fair share of blood, sweat, and tears, but the entire journey has made me grateful and appreciative of all that I have. One strategy I found helpful was to find something every day to be thankful for---focus on the positives in life! My goal with this blog is to do just that---focus on those “little” moments with the hope to inspire others.

8 thoughts on “Blood, sweat, and tears…”

  1. I’m so sorry, Crystal. Every day I wish when I heard what happened I would have been able to have rushed right over to see what I could have done to try and help in any way. It definitely would have made a difference having just one person you could confide in and try to help you clean up the mess. When I heard no one came to you it totally broke my heart. I totally understand how you feel as me being a victim and seeming like it doesn’t matter to anyone because “he” still seems to be around young girls and it always scared the hell out of me that “he” would have new victims. Yes, you will feel like no one understands or wants to remember, but it is ALWAYS there. And yes, get out of that house and try to start fresh. Hopefully he will come around and grant your divorce so you can move on. He must know he will never have anything to do with you or the kids in any way and I’m sure none of them would want to reconcile with him. But that will be their choice when they are old enough to make that decision. How many more years is he serving? I really hope he is not getting out soon and is just prolonging giving you the divorce by thinking he has a chance of reconciling with you? Some people have the nerves of steel and reality just hasn’t set in yet. I’m sorry for all you’re going through, you are a lot like me, and I distance myself and just stay away from people so I don’t have to deal with it. But when it’s family, it really hurts sometimes. This is a huge step for you to put this out there like you are doing. I applaud you for that. I still hide from what was done to me and only a select few people do I tell what happened. When so many people don’t believe you, it tends to really mess you up and isolates you.
    Don’t give up though, keep pressing for that divorce and keep trying to get him to sign that paperwork.
    I love you, honey and you’re a strong person and you already proved that. Keep pushing forward and soon this can be behind you. Big ((((((HUGS))))) for you.

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  2. January 28, 2019 is the earliest release date, but from what I was told his mother is fighting to have the charges reduced because she claims “it wasn’t that bad”. She doesn’t even know all the details, and is in major denial. She had the nerve to tell everyone that he re-enlisted in the Marines and was overseas because she didn’t want to admit her precious son was a pedophile. I had people coming up to me at an event (in front of my children) asking how he was doing overseas…I was sick to my stomach! Not to mention I was in a relationship and people were probably thinking poorly of me (not that I really care what people think, but come on). Try explaining to your children that their father isn’t really overseas after being asked several times! She told me that I needed to find it in my heart to forgive him and give him another chance. What a sick, sick, woman! I could go on about the terrible things she has done, but no need to dwell on speaking of evil people who claim to be Godly! Mentally I’m stronger than many, but some days are just tough…yesterday was one of the most difficult in a long time. Thank you for the kind words…I read it this morning at work…I had to re-read it a couple times because I was crying.

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    1. I’m so sorry, Crystal. That has to be tough. And I thought my MIL was bad. I read your blog today and it’s so true, you look at your life and it seems so bad, but then you see someone else and realize, you can get through this and that they are having an even tougher time. I am so glad he is in for a few more years. If you need a petition to keep him in there in case of early release, I am with you all the way to fight it and do what ever I can. I know a lot of other people will sign that too! I so wish I could give you a great big hug!!! We’ll have to get together again and have dinner soon. Cassie is about to pop with her 2nd baby. She is 4 cm dilated and I will have Jayce staying with me. So I’ll wait till that happens and she gets settled. But I do want to see you soon. I love you and you stay strong! XOXO

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  3. I’m very sorry to hear of this ordeal Crystal. I know it will be hard for you to ever forgot and move but but I hope you can find happiness and joy throughout the rest of your life. As it is now 2017, I also hope you have had a bit of success in relation to your house. Stay strong and keep a smile on your face ✌️

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